i am not sure of many things in life, especially not right now. what will happen in the near future (read: after graduation) is so uncertain. all i know is that life goes on and i can't stop now. i've been contemplating a lot of things. which risks should i be willing to take? what about grad school? what about a job? what about the apartment? what about the girls i live with now?  what about the people in my small group? what about the new ministry? what about, what about, what about bob? okay, well i haven't been thinking about bob, but i have been asking all these other questions. through it all, though, i've found more peace than i know is my own, but i also feel very muchso that a part of me is dying inside. a chapter of my life is coming to a close, while the plot of another is just beginning to thicken. a lot of awesome things are slated to happen this summer. i'm moving in with angela, i'm going to help start a young adult ministry, nick is moving to illinois, and i'm going to get a job other than hit-n-run. those are all pretty exciting, but something about them happening all at the same time jolts my senses. it's going to be an amazing summer, i've just got to remember that the good outweighs the bad. the good outweighs the bad. the good outweighs the bad. and even when it doesn't, my god is greater than all of the crap in my life. lately i have been in a funk, but i really want people to see the joy in my life. more than anything i want people to see past all my insecurities, hurts, and doubts right to the good things - the things worth living for. if you can't see those things in my life, ask me what they are. i want you to know why i feel the way i do about life. For now, know that I will touch the sun or I will die trying.

Andd... I'm still sick. After Nick and Elaina left I determined that I was much more sick this weekend than I was allowing myself to be. I missed cell-ebration, but I heard that SoCo might be the place (heck yeah), and that Tim did the Selena walk. Oh, I wish that I could have saw the church's reaction. Tim is hilarious. But anyway, this weekend was fun.. I got to meet three of Nick's friends. They're pretty much fabulous. I also got to hang out with two of Cherise's friends, Jace and Wanda. I'd met Wanda before, but it had been at least two or three years ago. Time flies. Oh, and I have an interview at UMSL this Wednesday. Please pray that I'm feeling better by then. There's no way I can rock this sickness. I told Cherise that it feels like death crawled up inside my lungs, set up residency and had a garage sale. I've also come to a conclusion about that one boy. My policy: ask and I'll tell.